| YABERS The blog of Rick Lansky |
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Has anyone seen the new Austin Powers movie yet? If so, was it any good? I'm on the fence as to whether or not I should see it or wait for it on video. Someone give me a shove. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 10:22 AM — Comments (1)I don't know why, but I really like wacky flash-based sites. Typorganism certainly falls into that category. Part useful, part intelligence test (trying to figure out the site takes a moment or two), it has some cool stuff. My favorite is the ASCII-O-Matic. This takes a JPEG image and converts it into an image using ASCII characters. It does a really good job and the cool thing is, you can upload you own images for conversion. Here's an example of their work on a picture of a gray cat... if you're into that sort of thing:
Okay, I hate to be lame, but I'm going to talk about the weather. I can't help myself, it's just too damn hot. I read in the paper yesterday that, with three days to go, we are 0.2° F away from setting a record for the hottest average temperature in July. Now we're down to two days and with yesterday's high of 96° F, we look to be making a serious run at the record. In addition, with a paltry 0.09" of rain, baring a major storm we are on pace to have the driest July on record. Imagine that, a combination of the hottest and driest weather possible. Sounds pleasant doesn't it? What amazes me is that we are experiencing weather that is worse than the conditions faced during the dust bowl. If not for improved agricultural practices and better technology, we'd be really screwed right now. Of course, a couple more years of weather like this and we will be screwed. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 08:58 AM — Comments (1)
In Japan, they know have a train referred to as the Beer Train. It's a two hour commuter train that offers all the free beer you can drink. Sounds like paradise, yes? Well think again... there are no bathrooms on the train. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 12:11 PM — Comments (0)The current state of the political affairs is really starting to get me down. Every day in the news, there are more instances of rights being eroded in the name of fighting terrorism. Every day it seems that President Bush and his crew are coming up with new and innovative ways to tell the rest of the world to go screw themselves. Every day it seems that the adminstration asks for--and gets--new powers that increase the authority of the executive branch. At this point, I wouldn't be too surprised if the President called off the elections in 2004 since that may take his attention from whatever wars he has going at the time. Somebody give me a glimmer of hope. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 08:33 AM — Comments (1)
I don't know about you, but I have several friends who could use some help with the ladies (no names mentioned here). So far as I can tell, the problem seems to be seizing the correct opportunity when it presents itself. One of the biggest challenges in this regard is practicing for the right moment. You only get some many attempts in the real world before you just give up trying. That's where the pull-o-meter comes in. It takes you out for a night on the town and rates your chance of pulling (this site is English, so I'm hoping that means something different over there) with the fairer sex. In the comfort of your own home, you can refine your technique until nobody can resist your charms. When you make it out into the real world, you should be assured of a right-ripping shag. One of the best parts about this site is the English vernacular. Those English, they crack me up with their funny expressions. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 01:20 PM — Comments (2)
I don't normally read message board postings, but there is a thread going on that is too funny to pass up. I think the board is supposed to be about soccer--excuse me, football--in England, but this thread reminds me more of a Jerry Springer episode. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 06:50 PM — Comments (0)Somebody help me out here... I can't tell if this site is serious or a parody of a right-wing wack case. I have a hard time believing that anybody could be this big of a nut case. A national dress code, this guy can't be serious. Or can he? » Posted by Rick Lansky at 09:04 AM — Comments (1)
I'm so excited. Today, I recieved my first "illegal" call from a telemarketer since Colorado's no call law went into effect. Normally a call from a telemarketer is annoying, but in this case I get to file a complaint with the Attorney General. Ah, the feeling of bliss. My favorite part is when I told the guy that Colorado has a no call law and that I was going to file a complaint. His advice, "Don't worry about it, he'll take care of it." HA! » Posted by Rick Lansky at 09:30 AM — Comments (0)
If you thought the Flash website of nose-hair plucking was scary, here's something even worse. Martial Law, it's not just a bad TV show anymore. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 11:36 AM — Comments (0)I can't think of anything I rather do less than sit through hearings concerning school text books. The people who bother to show up for such events tend to be wack jobs so far to either side of center that they are living in completely different reality than the rest of us. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 11:31 AM — Comments (0)
Is the stock market getting you down? Me too. But instead of getting mad or depressed about the recent on-going problems in the market, I've applied my super-ape brain towards coming up with a solution to the problem. To wit, I have developed a stock investment strategy that, even if it doesn't work, will provide an interesting computational diversion. I call it the "Drunken Monkey" strategy. The name is based on a series of cartoons in the Pearls Before Swine comic strip where one of the characters, Rat, becomes a stock broker. His brokerage is a sham (surprise) because he picks stocks based on drunk monkeys who darts at the stock pages. So here's the proposal:
There you have it. Now all that remains is to determine the value of the seven parameters in the above proposal. What I'd love to do is get the historical price data for all stocks over the last 20-30 years and run Monte Carlo simulations on the data using the above rules while varying the seven parameters. You could then use the results of this study to determine the optimum value for the parameters and also to indicate what sort of yield would be expected. My guess is that the parameters would really be non-linear, dependent on market conditions, but my hope is that even with fixed parameter values you could out-perform the market. If this were to work, it would be easy enough to write a web-based program that retrives the stock market information on a daily basis which provides full portfolio management. Then I could stop stressing.
It's not exactly the most high-minded reading, but somebody has posted a website of True Porn Clerk Stories and some of them are pretty darn funny. Now I'm no Hollywood movie mogul, but it seems that you could take these stories and create a pretty hilarious movie concerning the ongoing adventures of such a clerk as they deal with the events around them. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 11:06 AM — Comments (1)
I don't even know what to say about this. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 04:12 PM — Comments (2)They say that those who don't know history are bound to repeat it. After reading this, I think that statement needs to be reformulated: We are all bound to repeat history. Period. Citizens spying on one another, wasn't that one of the favored tactics of many failed communist regimes? With 4% of the population spying on the other 96%, can a committe on un-American activities be far behind? What boggles my mind though, is how they plan to get any useful information out of this. With the current small number of spies in the CIA, FBI, NSA, and whatever other agencies are out there, they were unable to stop the attacks on 9/11. Of course, we now know that the information was there ahead of time, it was just in pieces that they couldn't, or didn't have the time to, put together. So now you're going to have tens of millions of people do the spying for you. Who's going to be able to make sense of the flood of information (most of it surely useless) that this will generate? » Posted by Rick Lansky at 03:50 PM — Comments (3)Texas, long the leader in killing people for their crimes, has put up a website chronicling the last statements of the prisoners they execute. I must admit, when I first heard this I thought it sounded pretty morbid; and I guess it is. But it is heartening to read the statements of those who are sorry for their crimes. Of course, there are some real nut jobs in there too. Case in point, one Monty Delk: I've got one thing to say, get your Warden off this gurney and shut up. I am from the island of Barbados. I am the Warden of this unit. People are seeing you do this. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 02:43 PM — Comments (0)
What I'd really like to know is, how much beer the people involved with this site drank before they came up with this idea? » Posted by Rick Lansky at 09:30 AM — Comments (0)Wow, Sesame Street decides to introduce an HIV-positive character and it only takes one day for the Republicans to get their shorts in a knot. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 08:30 AM — Comments (1)
If you are considering renting, or in any other way seeing, The Royal Tenenbaums, I have some advice for you: don't. Despite the all-star cast and some good moments, this movie falls well short of its potential. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 12:50 PM — Comments (0)
Several weeks ago, I lamented the fact that digging post holes in the mountains is nearly impossible. Charlie suggested the "rainy micro-climate" wherein you start a hole, fill it with water, and let the water do the work for you. After a weekend of putting up fence, I'm sorry to report that the "rainy micro-climate" doesn't work. You start the hole, put some water in, come back several hours later and find that all the water is still in the hole. The ground is that hard. But all is not lost, the key has been discovered... and it's five and a half feet long: the pry bar. Now if you're not familiar with the pry bar, it's a big-honking piece of very heavy steel with an end that is filed down to a chisel point. It's heavy. It's scary. It can inflict some serious damage. The most surprising thing about the pry bar is that it has not been featured in any slasher flicks. As it turns out, the damage inflicting capability can be used to your advantage when digging post holes. You start the hole, pour in some water, and start wacking the crap out the hole with the pry bar. Within a minute you end up with a mush that bears a striking resemblence to wet concrete. The nice thing about this mush is that it can easily be removed from the bottom of the hole with a post hole digger. Although it only removes about four inches of soil per water/wack/remove cycle, you can dig holes pretty quickly using this method. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 06:13 PM — Comments (0)
Last night when I was driving home from hockey, I happened to start listening to Love Line on the radio. Normally I don't listen to this show because the callers tend to be the lamest people on earth. But, while flipping channels last night I stumbled upon the show while Adam Corrola was on a rant about people who file frivolous lawsuits. His suggestion is that people who are caught doing this should be punished such that, what they claimed was wrong, becomes wrong. For example, say someone stages a car accident and claims to be injured. Their back hurts soooo badly that they can't work. If they get caught, somebody takes a tire iron to their back until the pain they claimed to have, they do have. Talk about a great idea. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 08:24 AM — Comments (1)
I saw a funny license plate today; it read, "IM AKOOK". Since the plate was from California, I'm inclined to believe them. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 02:46 PM — Comments (0)
I have wireless internet service that beams from my house to a local tower in the mountains. The tower in the mountains then beams to Denver via some sort of radio frequency. The service is offered by ionSky and it's normally great; it's the best--and cheapest--high-speed service you can get in the mountains over Boulder. At least, it was until today. All day I've been dropping packets left and right. But the source of the problem has been found. Turns out a christian rock station station is on the same tower and they are bringing up a new transmitter--stomping all over the ionSky frequencies in the process. Doh! I'd like to be a fly on the wall when the guys from ionSky call those bad-ass, bandwidth-robbing, wanna-be christian rockers tomorrow. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 09:25 PM — Comments (1)
I forget the details, and I refuse to look them up, but I seem to recall that some guy named Turing came up with a test to determine if machines can think. It goes something like this: you put a machine and a person in a closed room with a tester outside the room. The tester then converses with the machine and the human through an interface that does not indicate to the tester which is the human and which is the machine. If after some period of time, the tester can't tell which is the human and which is the machine, then Turing proposes that the machine can think. Maybe, maybe not. Nowadays, this so-called machine is a computer and there are several people taking up the challenge. The best of the bunch is called Alice. While not strictly a Turing test since there is only a machine, it's pretty obvious that things still have a way to go before machines can be thought of as thinking. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 01:05 PM — Comments (0)
I'm sure you'll all be as excited as I am about the fact that this is National Vegetarian Week. Do yourself a favor; this week, instead of ordering beef or chicken, order up a heaping plate of vegetarian. They're delicious! » Posted by Rick Lansky at 02:50 PM — Comments (0)
At one of the AMC theatres near us, they have these kiosks out front that allow you to by tickets using your credit card. I love this things because there is never a line, and you get to avoid one more dose of human interaction with some kid who doesn't try to hide the fact that they'd rather be someplace else. However, there is one critical flaw in the system related to the user interface through which they guide you. At one point, you are presented with a screen that has a big green button that says, "YES" and a big red button that says, "NO". Since this is presented after you've selected the movie and the number of tickets you want, you would think--if, like me, you don't bother to read all the accompanying text--that you need to push the green button. Wrong. The green button takes you back to the screen where you select the number of tickets. It turns out the text on the screen is asking you if you want to changes your selection. It took me three tries to figure this out. Sure, partially my fault for not reading things, but come on. Here's a tip: When you're guiding people through a series of step like this, at no point should they be forced to push a big red button that says, "NO" to continue on with whatever it is they are doing. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 03:28 PM — Comments (0)Okay, now I understand why so many people are unconcerned about recent changes in their rights. It appears that many of the them just don't understand the rules of the game. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 10:53 AM — Comments (0)
This whole flap about the pledge of allegiance is really getting out of hand. Today in my local paper, a letter to the editor went so far as to decalre that the justices in this case, "hate the constitution." Politicians of every stripe are stumbling over one another in a bid to prove how much more they love the pledge than "those other guys." Give me a break. Has anybody actually stopped to think about what this all really means? In school, we are requiring kids to recite an oath that include the phrase "One nation under God". Now those in favor of this phrase typically claim that this does not violate the separation between church and state becuase it does not actually promote any particular religion. I think that's wrong. To prove that here's a little test I'd like all of those people to take. Instead of the phrase, "One nation under God," put in the phrase "One nation under no God," or "One nation under the Gods." Would these people still think that this does not promote one view of religion over another? Would they want their kids repeating this phrases every day? I doubt it. Yet they feel no remorse in making other who believe in those alternative phrases repeat that phrase in which they believe. When considered in this context, it's really disappointing that more politicians aren't standing up to support this ruling. They are pandering to voters because they know it will win votes; if supporting the constitution has to take a back seat, so be it. Never mind the fact that they swore an oath to uphold and defend the constitution. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 01:46 PM — Comments (1)
Just got back from a hike up to Lost Lake. It's a pretty nice hike up by Eldora, past Nederland. The thing that's nice about it is that it's shady (meaning it's cooler than in town) and the trail runs along the headwaters of Boulder Creek (meaning that it's cooler than in town). Have a mentioned that it's hot? Banzai provided the funniest moment of the trip. Neither he or Boomer really like the water, but since it was hot--and I was throwing treats in the water--they suffered to go in up to their elbows. Boomer generaly does better, he'll go in up to his chest. For some reason, Banzai went out to a log that was in water about as deep as he is tall. He realized his mistake and tried to get up on the log. It was hilarious. As he'd get up on the log, it'd start rolling and pitching him into the water on the other side. So he'd try to climb back to the other side and the whole process would repeat. Much laughter was had at his expense. He finally gave up in a panic and dove (Banzai!) into the water for the short swim back to shore. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 04:22 PM — Comments (0)
President Bush's latest call for punishments of executives rings pretty hollow. It's been over half a year since his buddy Ken Lay brought down Enron. Last time I checked, Ken Lay was not in jail. President Bush himself is not altogether innocent in such dealings, and neither is Vice President Cheny. It appears that they are just tryint to get on the "right side" of this issue to avoid political fallout. Nevermind that they and their buddies are the ones responsible. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 07:36 AM — Comments (1)
I wouldn't mind the long lines at airport security screening if they actually worked. However this latest test of airport security, shows that this is certainly not the case. The screeners missed 25-30% of the weapons/bombs that were placed in luggage. It makes you wonder why they bother checking at all. As if that's not bad enough, now they're arresting pilots for DUIs. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 08:10 AM — Comments (1)Yesterday was great. I received exactly zero phone calls from telemarketers. The reason? Yesterday was the day that Colorado's no-call list law went into effect. The law allows you to sign up for the no-call list using an 800 number or a website. Once your number is on the list, you can't be called by telemarketers except under special circumstances. If they call you, you can report them. If any one telemarketer gets more than three violations in a month, they can be fined up to $2000 dollars per violation. How sweet is that? Of course, the telemarketing lobby fought hard against this law. Frankly, I'm surprised, but happy, that it passed. They also made a last-ditch legal effort to have the law overturned on 1st amendment grounds. That failed too.
While I was a student at UCSD, my favorite campus publication was the Koala--a satirical newspaper along the lines of the Onion, but without the good taste. As I recall, it had a larger readership than the offical school paper, The Gaurdian. Like most college campuses, UCSD is a bastion of good intentions gone bad in the form of Political Correctness (PC). As you may imagine, this makes things hard for publications like the Koala. It appears that the Koala has now peeved a favored group on campus, MEChA, and they are reaping some serious grief for their effort. The offense: taking a picture at a public event. The punishment: the administration won't be happy until they are gone. Of course, MEChA is just a nice group of kids that want to overthrow the government in seven states, so it's easy to understand why the college adminstration is bending over backward (and forwards) for them. In the end the charges were dropped against the Koala. Perhaps they are on double-secret probation. Given the environment in which they operate, it probably won't be long until they are gone for good. Very sad. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 10:47 AM — Comments (0)This weekend I rented Fist of Legend starring Jet Li. As you may recall, I had previously stated that all the Jet Li movies I had seen sucked. Well, that's no longer true. This movie was actually quite good. Kurt was over to watch it and he liked it too. There you have it, Jet Li is not the Chinese answer to Jan Claude Van Damme. » Posted by Rick Lansky at 08:59 AM — Comments (0) |
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